Life's defining moments

There comes a time in one's life when situations force a person to grow and change perspective. Believe me when I say that I have had a lot of those moments in my life.

In one of our rare team lunchouts, my manager talked about life's defining moments. She's currently attending a Dale Carnegie course and I think that is one of their topics. Being the personal coach that she is, she encouraged each of us to share our own defining moments. Some talked about theirs during lunch. others, such as myself, will talk about it in the next ops meeting.

I would like to share one of my life's defining moments with you.

As i've said earlier, I had lots of defining moments in my life. Those moments led me to be the kind of person I am now. And although defining moments are almost always synonymous to hardships (as it is through hardships that make us grow into more mature individuals), I have no regrets. I even thank God for letting me experience everything in my life. For without them, I will not open myself up to the world as I have, and ultimately, won't be as happy as I am today.

When I was in second year high school, I was brutally bullied. I was accused of trying to let myself in in a certain group who didn't want me. As a teenager, I had a lot of angst and I was only craving for what every normal teenager wants -- acceptance. a niche I can call my own. But it didn't work out. People talked shit about me -- sometimes in my face, a lot of times behind my back. And because I didn't know how to respond correctly, I became more and more defensive.

I wouldn't say that I totally had nothing to do with how people treated me. I was pikon and mataray back then. My eyes look really really fierce. Tipong if looks could kill, all of them will probably be dead! But anyway, as a result of the incident I became even more pikon and mataray and people didn't like me because of it. That was one of the darkest times in my life. There were days when i'll wake up wanting the day to end because I didn't want to go to school. I had no friends.

But. At isa itong napakalaking BUT. Something good came out from all of it. Yes, people talked crap at me in school, but this incident made me and dad closer than ever. I used to run to him, crying because the big, bad world is throwing stones at me and he was the one who helped me get through it. And because of the bond and the love that formed between us, I took his lessons to heart and as a result, wala akong masyadong drama sa buhay. Everything is in order. everything is at peace.

In the words of Taylor Swift's song:

i'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean

i come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys

and we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away

and we talk and window shop 'til i've forgotten all their names

i don't know who i'm gonna talk to now at school

but i know i'm laughing on the car ride home with you

don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay

but i know i had the best day with you today

Because of my family's love and of course, a lot of prayers, it didn't take long for me to recover from the bullying incident. Towards the end of the year, my attitude had changed from wanting to feel accepted by people, to accepting myself for who I am. I no longer want to pretend to be somebody I'm not just to feel accepted or belonged because I realized that I love myself too much to be friends with people who don't accept me. I know I deserve more than that and I resolved to not accept anything less. And you know what? When I started to love myself, accepted myself as I am, people just treated me differently. After that fateful year, I found three people who offered me their true and lasting friendship.

From l-r: Eny (that's me!), Jen, Angie, Len
still friends to this very day

The whole experience definitely carved a permanent mark in my heart. An ugly reminder that I was once scarred deeply in life. At the same, it is also a beautiful reminder that the wound, no matter how painful it was at the time, is not enough to kill me. I am strong enough to survive. I'm here. And i'm victorious.