A quick update

I just noticed that I haven't been blogging about what's really happening to me these past few weeks. So many things still have to be done for the wedding. When people ask me if I'm finished with the preps, I always say that "you're never really finished with the preparations until your wedding day". Like, a week before the big day, we still have to create the actual guest list. Wala talagang katapusan ito!

At work, I'm busy busy busy! When I get home at night, I really just wanna lie down and read blogs or sleep. On weekends, it's meetings meetings meetings! It's the same routine every single day for the past few weeks so I never really get the chance to update this blog more often.

Tomorrow is a holiday and so hopefully I'd get to post something else apart from my wedding teasers. Speaking of wedding teasers, I hope you guys are not getting tired of it yet because there's more to come!

This is it for now. I'm blogging at work and my lunch break's almost over. Bye bye and have a happy weekend!

Life's defining moments

There comes a time in one's life when situations force a person to grow and change perspective. Believe me when I say that I have had a lot of those moments in my life.

In one of our rare team lunchouts, my manager talked about life's defining moments. She's currently attending a Dale Carnegie course and I think that is one of their topics. Being the personal coach that she is, she encouraged each of us to share our own defining moments. Some talked about theirs during lunch. others, such as myself, will talk about it in the next ops meeting.

I would like to share one of my life's defining moments with you.

As i've said earlier, I had lots of defining moments in my life. Those moments led me to be the kind of person I am now. And although defining moments are almost always synonymous to hardships (as it is through hardships that make us grow into more mature individuals), I have no regrets. I even thank God for letting me experience everything in my life. For without them, I will not open myself up to the world as I have, and ultimately, won't be as happy as I am today.

When I was in second year high school, I was brutally bullied. I was accused of trying to let myself in in a certain group who didn't want me. As a teenager, I had a lot of angst and I was only craving for what every normal teenager wants -- acceptance. a niche I can call my own. But it didn't work out. People talked shit about me -- sometimes in my face, a lot of times behind my back. And because I didn't know how to respond correctly, I became more and more defensive.

I wouldn't say that I totally had nothing to do with how people treated me. I was pikon and mataray back then. My eyes look really really fierce. Tipong if looks could kill, all of them will probably be dead! But anyway, as a result of the incident I became even more pikon and mataray and people didn't like me because of it. That was one of the darkest times in my life. There were days when i'll wake up wanting the day to end because I didn't want to go to school. I had no friends.

But. At isa itong napakalaking BUT. Something good came out from all of it. Yes, people talked crap at me in school, but this incident made me and dad closer than ever. I used to run to him, crying because the big, bad world is throwing stones at me and he was the one who helped me get through it. And because of the bond and the love that formed between us, I took his lessons to heart and as a result, wala akong masyadong drama sa buhay. Everything is in order. everything is at peace.

In the words of Taylor Swift's song:

i'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean

i come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys

and we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away

and we talk and window shop 'til i've forgotten all their names

i don't know who i'm gonna talk to now at school

but i know i'm laughing on the car ride home with you

don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay

but i know i had the best day with you today

Because of my family's love and of course, a lot of prayers, it didn't take long for me to recover from the bullying incident. Towards the end of the year, my attitude had changed from wanting to feel accepted by people, to accepting myself for who I am. I no longer want to pretend to be somebody I'm not just to feel accepted or belonged because I realized that I love myself too much to be friends with people who don't accept me. I know I deserve more than that and I resolved to not accept anything less. And you know what? When I started to love myself, accepted myself as I am, people just treated me differently. After that fateful year, I found three people who offered me their true and lasting friendship.

From l-r: Eny (that's me!), Jen, Angie, Len
still friends to this very day

The whole experience definitely carved a permanent mark in my heart. An ugly reminder that I was once scarred deeply in life. At the same, it is also a beautiful reminder that the wound, no matter how painful it was at the time, is not enough to kill me. I am strong enough to survive. I'm here. And i'm victorious.

My old Viao has been resurrected

wow, this picture is an oldie. short hair? say whaaat?

I was recently rummaging through my old stuff looking for items I can sell or give away when I found my old Vaio, dusty but still looking great! Ilang beses ko na ring napag-isipang ibenta si Vaio pero medyo nakakapanghinayang kasi ang ganda ganda pa niya. good as new pa talaga! The specs aren't outdated either so I've decided to use it in spite of the defective fan.

Since wala naman akong alam sa pag-repair ng computers, I asked Mon if he can do something about it. So he opened it up, put thermal paste and baby oil in it, and voila! Okay na siya. Sana lang talaga hindi na umingay yung fan ulit. Sony repair is so expensive! We inquired sa service center yesterday and they said labor + replacement will cost  a whopping six thousand pesos, Aacckk!! Poor wallet.

I had gotten used to using my netbook for the past 1 and a half years so now I am adjusting to using a laptop with a bigger screen. Naligayahan naman ako ng wagas. Sarap mag Facebook, Sarap mag-blog, Sarap sumagot ng e-mail, Sarap lahat! Haha!

Speaking of answering e-mails, I better do just that. Wedding to do's await!

The girl in the pick up truck

En route from Baguio to Manila earlier today, I found myself listening to mellow music. I'm a melody person. Hence when I listen to music, I tend to judge whether I like a song or not based on the catchiness of its tune rather than its message. Oftentimes, my boyfriend makes fun of me for liking songs that are totally not applicable to me, like heartbreak or devastation.

For lack of better things to do (or maybe it's the mountain scenery or the cool Baguio breeze, hmm) and to divert myself from getting dizzy, I decided to REALLY focus on the lyrics of the songs this time.

Too many billion people

Running around the planet

What is the chance in heaven

That you'd find your way to me

Tell me what is this sweet sensation

It's a miracle that's happened

Though I search for an explanation

Only one thing it could be

That I was born for you

It was written in the stars

Yes, I was born for you

And the choice was never ours

It's as if the powers of the universe

Conspired to make you mine

And 'til the day I die,

I blessed the day that I was born for you

I think the song is for hopeless romantics, which I am not (???). It talks about being destined to love someone in this world which, quite honestly, I don't really believe in because I'd much rather believe in having a choice rather than being "destined" to love someone. 

Or maybe the choice itself is destined? So it may seem like one had a choice but in reality, one was destined to choose what he chose? Aaaaaahhhhhhhh! Ang gulo. I'm too beat to think straight right now.

The man in the mirror

I'm not a fan of the 3rd season of Glee and it's mainly because I didn't like the first episode very much. Even if a lot of people are saying that it's good (I also tried watching it on the plane due to lack of choice haha), it just didn't have the same effect on me as Season 2.

But I did fell in love with their version of Man in the Mirror. Truth is, I only just appreciated the meaning of the song when I heard it from Glee. I think they did a good job in their rendition, very soulful and heartfelt.

I'm going to make a change

For once in my life

It's gonna feel real good

Gonna make a difference, gonna make it right

I'm starting with the man in the mirror

I'm asking him to change his ways 

And no message could have been any clearer

If you wanna make the world a better place

Take a look at yourself then make a change

I know the whole song is intended to help change the world, to fight poverty and hunger and hopelessness and stuff. But in a smaller picture, this can also mean fighting your inner demons, having confidence in yourself despite the darkness, picking your broken self up from the ground and starting all over again, believing in yourself that you can still change, and actually making a change no matter what age, color or background you have. It's about hope and believing in God's promise to prosper us in this life.

This is why the song struck me the way it did. The way to make a change is to change, one person at a time. And together, we can do so many good things in this world.